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Square Dance Night by John Ward

Square Dance Night

By John Ward, Alton, Ks

I visited a Square Dance quite unexpected,
And the things I saw there I never suspected
I arrived at the hall and was happily greeted;
We talked for a while, then were finally seated
When outside the door there arose such a clatter
That I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear
T’was the Caller arriving with all of his gear
With boxes and satchels he was all loaded down,
And some of the things were dragging the ground.
He spoke not a word but to the stage he did race
And hung up big bird boxes all over the place
And when he had finished he turned to us there
And said, “Howdy, everybody, it’s time for a Square”
They rushed to the floor with a leap and a bound,
But I remained seated ‘cause my mind was still Sound
But they saw me a settin’ and grabbed me right there,
And before I knew it I was caught in that square
At first we would circle as we went ‘round the land,
Playing “Ring Around the Rosie” in time with the band
Then they would grab me and give me a fling
And spin me around like a top in the ring
Lake a big rubber ball they bounced me around
‘Till I didn’t know up or I didn’t know down
The caller went crazy before we got through
And the strangest things he asked us to do
He asked us to box with the gnats and the fleas
I looked all around but no bugs did I see
Now this is the part I can’t understand:
He said, “Chain your lady to the opposite man”
Now that is something I never would do
Would you want some lady chained to you?
Then things got much rougher and a bandage I wear.
For allowing myself to get caught in that square
The lady across seemed so friendly and gay
As she extended her hand across the way
But before I knew it with a Half Nelson twist
She twisted my arm and that snapped my wrist
I said, “Why, lady, did you ever do that?”
She said, “You galoot, I was Boxing the Gnat.”
And so, my dear friends, I left them right there
All people are crazy that go to a square;
And I heard them exclaim as I walked out of sight,